Wonderful example. Too often I see folks (including myself) hit one of these and think--ah, this is a sign that I shouldn't move forward or worse "that guy is being a jerk!"--but really, as you say, each of these things is a sign that we can grow. My three-year-old isn't able to go over speedbumps with his tricycle, but he'll have no problem when he's driving a car at 16!
And what resilience strategy have I learned from someone I admire? Lots from many different people. This tends to be people who are very different to me. I have a tendency to go into fight mode, I have so much admiration for people who ‘Dont raise your voice, improve your argument’ (see League of Intrapreneurs toolkit).
Also people who are good at playing the political game in an organisation and still remaining true to themselves. I think people under-estimate how hard and the skill involved in doing this.
love the number 1! :)
Thanks for sharing Marjorie, your vulnerability and committment to change is so inspiring! I'm really striving for a re-birth day. So far it seems like learning resilience is a never ending process!
The birthday concept is brilliant! So is Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. A must read!
Meditation is also on my list of good practices.
Talking about coaches, a formal coach, who turns out to also be a good friend of mine, really helped me to connect to my 'higher-self', or at least to set me up on the path to get there. As the sessions were going, I began to understand how my own judgements toward myself and others are preventing me from reaching my own potential, i.e. preventing from mastering the dance steps. The coaching process, along with meditation readings and practice, made me reconize that my thoughts don't define who I am, and therefore they shouldn't block me from being myself when facing an unexpected situation.
A cool insight/strategy I learnt from my ex manager (of the GameChanger practice where I work in Shell), he said "I have found that the concept of being a ‘tempered radical’ is core to what we as GCrs need to be. To me, tempering is about knowing where the line is. Too tempered, and you get no change. Too radical, and you’re dead – i.e. not alive to make the change. Finding that line and walking it persistently is perhaps the really hard thing to do." and yes i recommend the article "Tempered Radical" available on HBR!
Vik - what I take from that is accepting yourself... accept that you change over time. Accept that you are evolving. Accept that you'll never really be done with learning about yourself (and embrace the journey... no matter how rough and tough it gets!)
Interesting. I think that thinking was in the mind of the School for Social Entrepreneurs founder Michael Young. Michael wanted to create a place where people, who might be extremely different from each other, could come together and pursue their change projects in a community of mutual support. In SSE-Ontario's first cohort of fellows last year, we had folks from extremely different walks of life, in terms of religion, socio-economic class, education, profession, etc. And these interactions were stimulating in a way that helped people evolve into a new species (though I doubt they would think of it in such scientific terms!).
I love that - boundary straddlers rather than fence sitters.
Yes, that self-awareness is key. Knowing where we are along the arc of our own development and actively pushing ourselves to travel down the arc.
Fantastic! I'd love to hear how it's going. We should start a re-birthday club. :)
It is amazing how flexible our minds are - and how we can effectively manipulate them. I remember clearly, a time last year when I was in a particularly bad mood. I didn't understand why. I realised during a coaching session, when I verbalised my inner self-talk, that I was being incredibly tough on myself. I was giving myself so many instructions. And not many high-fives! I realised that for the past few weeks, I hadn't been writing down at the end of the night in my phone the things that I was grateful for that day. So that night, I did just that. And it was amazing how much better I felt instantly. I even had people close to me remark how different my energy was. This simple exercise can do absolute wonders for us. Especially as an intrapreneur when the wins can feel like few and far between. You get to choose what you celebrate - big or small. Why not be thankful someone new read your proposal? Or you were able to set up a meeting with a new prospective partner? The important thing on the road to happiness and fulfilment is learning to enjoy the journey. Focusing on what you are grateful for is a highly effective way to do this. There are many champions of positive psychology that present evidence around how powerful this actually can be look up Martin Seligman and Shawn Anchor (Shawn is funny, and looks at the work context).
absolutely - also if you have a strong sense of where your idea/you want to be and you are focused on that then the zigzags/hiccups/different routes to getting there seem part of it & the way that you side step/change/drop/emphasise different routes gives you new insight.
So I'd add - having a strong sense of where you are trying to get to with your ideas/with yourself.. and being open to different routes to getting there
I feel we can even do more than accepting: we can truly appreciate the fact that we change over time and that we'll never be done learning! But this is really hard as the risk is to fall in a state of constant doubt and chaos. If we look at the Chaordic Field: what's the minimum structure in one's life to allow the constant learning to not become unstable? Thougths?
I really admire people who are in touch with their spirituality and can take the time to relax and meditate (Mandar and Matthieu--you're my heroes!). I’ve tried a few different methods of guided meditation and also of relaxation. The one method that has really stuck with me was recommended by a good friend who was about to have a baby. That method is self-hypnosis.
The neuroscience behind self-hypnosis is truly mindblowing. It turns out that a brain pretending to be at a spa in Thailand actually is at a spa in Thailand.
When I’ve had particularly tough nights sleeping, I turn on the hypnosis recording that I’ve been using for years, and allow my mind to travel. It’s like getting to go to a tropical getaway without the airfare or carbon footprint! Having a good relaxation technique is essential to preventing yourself from blowing a gasket when things get tough.
If you’re interested in self-hypnosis, here are a few links that can be helpful:
Stanford University’s Center on Stress and Health
Shawn Gallagher’s free recording and tutorial (at the bottom of the page and not just for child-birth)
Radiolab’s episode on the placebo effect (a key component of hypnosis)
A big thank you to my fellow panellists and people logging in.. if you're interested in what Mixfits is up to do follow on @mixfitters with many best wishes for you and your ideas. Vik
Another tip I'd like to add is to actively seek the camaraderie of folks who are also going through what you’re going through right now. In my own life, whenever I meet another younger social entrepreneur or intrapreneur, I do whatever I can to stay a part of their orbit. These are the people I have on speed dial when I need someone to talk me down from the ledge! They’re also the folks who know about the latest conference, or manual, or killer app.
These peers also act like a secondary salesforce for you, telling all the folks they know about the cool work you’re doing. So often, great opportunities come my way because of these peers. Look in your area for programs that offer peer groups, and if you can’t find one, start one!
That brings us to the end of this live clinic. Thank you to our great panel and to everyone who tuned in.
We'll leave this discussion open, so please do continue to post any comments!
If you'd like to learn more about the topics discussed today, be sure to read Heidi's blog here.
Thanks for the discussion everyone!!
If anyone is in Canada and is looking for support as a social intrapreneur... drop by pivot.ewb.ca next month to get the support you need!